It's 2012 - Why haven't I posted sooner?

It's been a while since I've posted here. I suppose I'm due for an update.

Many of you know about my medical diagnosis a few years ago and the fear I felt going through it. Well, that fear is back. After 3 years of doctor visits, one trip to Denver to see a renowned doctor in his field to "fix" me, several biopsies, and painful procedures later, I might be looking at going through it all again.

I have a procedure planned for January 11th at 7:45am at Memorial Hermann Memorial City. I have been lucky to have found such an amazing OB/Gyn here in Houston. She has made personal calls to me, during my struggles and even when things were going good. She understands how much having a baby was important to me. She was in the room with me the day I miscarried, holding my hand, crying with me.  She and I are the same age and she herself went through countless attempts of having children. She is now the mom to twin girls. Her name is Barbara Fogiel: www.barbarafogielmd.com. She is wonderful.

The next few weeks will be scary for me, everyone that knows me well enough know that my life has been void of children, but it hasn't been my choice. With the ongoing fear of the unknown of what can happen to me with the gynocological diagnosis, I ask that you all say a little prayer for me. One now, one on January 11th, and one on January 19th, when I should have the results from the procedural biopsy.

Paddle Faster, I hear Banjos!

That was on a t-shirt we saw while we visited Atlanta. It references a movie called "Deliverance", but visiting southern Georgia where my family has roots isn't anything like that movie. The country roads are lined by tall pine trees, along with rolling hills and farms...mostly dairy, but some horses as well. I miss that countryside and driving those roads reminded me of the summers I spent there.

You can go home again

Sean and I flew to Atlanta in early March and visited with my aunt and uncle. We also drove down to Southern Georgia to visit family, but not in the traditional sense. I wanted to take pictures of my loved ones who has passed onto a better place. I spent nearly a full day down in Madison and Monticello looking for my grandparents', great grandparents', and aunts' and uncles' resting places. We drove to Madison first to Antioch Baptist Church to find my grandparents and great aunt's plots. I found my great aunt Viriginia first, but it took me a while to find my grandparents' plots. Once I did, a wall of emotion hit me hard. I knelt down beside their graves and cried. I prayed that they've rested in peace and told them how much I love and miss them. It dawned on me how much I really missed them and wish I could have said goodbye to them before they passed on. As we were leaving, I noticed that my great grandmother's plot. It was a peaceful feeling to know they all were here in the same place. They're buried at Antioch Baptist Church in Madison, GA. It's the oldest church in Morgan County.

From Madison, we drove to Monticello. Here we spent an hour at Hopewell Baptist Church, an abandoned church in Jasper County. It's where my great aunts Montine and Leona went to church. We searched the small cemetery there and they weren't buried there. I called my aunt in Atlanta and asked her about the church. It's one of the oldest in Jasper County and has been abandoned for over 20 years. The cemetery has tombstones dating to people who were born in the mid-1700's and passed away in the early 1800's. It was such an amazing and peaceful place.

Off to one of the city's cemetery, Westview. Here, we spent another hour or so looking for my relatives. I found my great uncle, Walker, first. I got out and took a picture, kneeled and prayed. Then we drove around for about 15 minutes in this large cemetery and at one point, I told Sean to stop the car. I got out of the car, walked about 100 yards due north from the car and found my other great greatmother, my great uncle, and my great aunts. It's uncanny how I just had this feeling to stop the car.

House pics

One of my favorite scriptures

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Finding...

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back, even though you hung up on him. Who thinks you're perfect (for him) even though he knows the worst things about you, wait for the guy who kisses your forehead! Who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you are just as pretty without makeup. Who laughs at you tripping over your own feet while picking you up and the one who turns to his friends and says "that's her".

Promises

I wrote this poem in my journal a little over a year ago...No need to say who it was written about.

Promises

I can't make a promise that things will alwaysbe perfect between us;

I can't make a promise that I will always shine.
I can't make a promise that I will not get on your nerves;
I can't make a promise that you will not get on mine.
I can't make a promise that I will never be moody;
I can't make a promise that I will always make my bed.
I can't make a promise that I will take your advice;
I can't make a promise that no tears will be shed.
But I can promise you that I will be myselfand never lead you on;
And I can promise that I will keep my attitude good and true.
I can promise that I will talk to you about my feelings;
And I can promise that I will listen to your points of view.
I can promise you that I will always try to make you smile;
And I can promise that you already brighten my day.
I can promise that I will never hurt you;
And I can promise that I am here to stay.